This will probably embarrass my husband, but oh well. I never thought that I would be such a cry baby. Dave left to go back to California today. I did not sleep very good, and first thing this morning I am crying. I know he felt bad. I don't like the kids to see me so desperate to have him stay here. I really am shocked at myself that I am having such a hard time when he is gone. When he first started traveling, 2 years ago, I would cry after I left the airport but he never saw that. Then I got use to him going, but always knowing he would be home within a day or two. Today after family prayer, again I am crying, but hiding it from the kids, and Dave. So I dropped him off at the airport, and then the kids and I went to church. My friend nicely asks how I am and on go the water works. All through Relief Society, the lesson is be cheerful in your trails. I had to leave when I could not hold back the flood. It is not that I am not trying to be cheerful or that this trial is to hard, I just hate being away from Dave. I guess the upside of that is that after 15 years of being married I don't ever want to imagine my life without him. He is such a good guy. My best friend that I never imagined I could or would have. Perfectly suited for me in every way. I love that he is a hard worker and that he loves our kids and that I hope that his heart hurts when he is gone from me, too. Okay that is to much information. I just hope that I can make it through this trail stronger than when it started and that I will shout for joy when it is over (good or bad). Also that somewhere in the trail I will know that there will be an end soon, and I will feel peace.
4 comments:
Sam, I KNOW what you are going thru. My kids were bigger but that did not make it easier. I know during the day life is too busy to notice he is gone (well except for the times when you would ask him to run to the store or run a child somewhere). I know the nights are the worst. so please remember i am just a phone call away and i know what it is like to have to but new pillows every month cause a pillow only holds so many tears. I know what it is like to cuddle your youngest all night long and hope they don't hear your tears. I love you and i am sorry you are having this trial. we will do what we can so your trials is only a few months and not 3 years!
Hey..please take me up on my offer. I'll even watch your kids so you can go see Dave. By the way, sorry I said anything on Sunday! Let me know what I can do for you.
Alicia-If it had not been you that asked it would have been someone else. I was already trying not to cry before you came in. Thank you SO much for your friendship. It has meant so much to me!! That you trust me enough to call me when you need help says volumes about our friendship. I will take you up on helping with my kiddo's. But I can't leave to see Dave, to much going on right now with basketball and school (I have reports to finish before the term ends). I am okay today, you can come and talk to me any time, I will try not to get snot on you when you do.
Tasha- I know that you will help me if and when I need it. It is nice to have a back-up plan. I don't know what will happen. But hopefully this hazy picture will come clear soon. We must come from the same family with that little person in our beds. He just won't go away. Those Star Wars toys don't make for comfy bedfellows. But I will make the best of it for now. At least I am not totally alone I have four great reminders of why I love my husband. And at least I live close to my sisters here in Utah, and not in Arizona, that would be a nightmare!!
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