Winter time is such a roller coaster. Some days are so cold it is not worth going out; having to shovel snow, or brave the icy roads. But than there have been days that are nice and you can enjoy the sunshine and get around with great ease and know that brighter days are coming. But I have to say the worst part of this winter for me has been the constant saying good bye to Dave as he flies off to work and somewhat sunnier skies. The second worst thing that this winter has brought is the roller coaster of selling our house, and trying to figure out what we are doing. Should we hire a realtor, keep trying to sell it on our own, prepare to rent it out. It is alot to wonder about. Some days are clearer than others, just like in between the storms. I want winter to drag on for the need of water, (California is in the 3rd worst drought since 1896) but that is the only reason. I am looking for brighter horizons with the arrival of spring. I am hoping that the spring will bring the "right couple" to our door to buy our house and that we can join Dave in California. I am also just looking for a clear picture of school next year for my kids, as well as for my niece.
I have to say that as I sit and reflect on the month of February, I would say it is historically the hardest month for me. March always is much better. I think the February of 1989 is when I went back to live with my dad in Colorado, so March was alot brighter. February of 1992 I was engaged to the wrong guy and broke it off, March was much brighter. February 1993 I was sick and not sure who would help me get through it, Dave came home from his mission and March was much brighter (a drought ended that March in California). February 1996, I was in Colorado visiting my friends wondering if pride and fertility drugs would be the end of my marriage, I went back to Cali, and March was much better with Steven arriving in November. February 1998, Dave's mom was so sick, it was one of the worst winters of my life, she passed away in March, which was not better, but at least she was not sick. February 1999, wanting another baby, worried about Dave's dad who had a brain aneurysm and was slowly getting better; then March came and our beautiful Elisabeth came to live with us, that brightened everything up. February 2000 I was working as a long term sub for a math class, the teacher came back in March that brightened things up. But also made me realize I did not want to sub for someone for six weeks again. Which opened the door for us to have Robert enter our lives and for Dave's dad to come home from the nursing home. Two of the best decisions made in our lives. February 2003 being 9 months pregnant, having three children under the age of 6, and Dave's dad not feeling very well that month was tough!!! But Kyle was born the last of February, Dave's dad miraculously improved to a state no one ever thought possible, and was the perfect nanny for all those little ones and March was much, much better. February 2006 a cloud hung over me wondering if this was all our life would be living in Dave's parent's house and working and loving our kids, which would have been fine, but I felt the hand of the Lord in my life and knew that there was more to come. And in March and April changes came that have changed and expanded our horizons beyond belief and we moved to Utah that fall. Last February I was worried about my calling in the ward, and if I was doing everything I could in that calling and again why we moved here. In January I helped with a fundraiser for my awesome cousin who had died. At that fundraiser, I saw an aunt, who means alot to me, but for reasons we had not spoken since I was 13 years old. I felt prompted to ask her if it would at least be okay to say "hello" to her, and that we could both feel comfortable at family functions and if I ever ran into her at the Temple, I would be okay. She said yes. In March on a Saturday I felt I needed to go to the temple right then. Never having felt that urgency to get to the temple, I went. That day I saw my aunt who was working in the Temple that day. If we had not had that conversation, I would not have been able to say "hello". That March things looked brighter. So here we are February 2009, the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. My husband is gone more than he is home, my house is for sale to move back to California a very bankrupt state, economically and morally. But I have FAITH that just like every February before, when it is stormy and cloudy and gloomy, that spring comes and life brightens. I know that if it is not in March than before the storms arise again in the fall that our family will be together.
Its nice to see the patterns in our lives and know that there is a Heavenly Father that knows and sees all things. As is said in the Doctrine and Covenants 122:7 "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good". We will learn from this and it is for our good. Thanks for reading this long post!!
